Silent Screams
by deadalready
Summary: Clenching the note in her hands Hermione hurried back to the table, grabbing her books and stalking out of the classroom, not wanting to Snape to see the tears burning in her eyes. Of all the people who could discover her secret, it had to be him....
1. Default Chapter

Silent Scream  
  
Ok im not exactly sure when this is set but lets just say around book 3! Anyway I really hope you like!   
  
Anyway this fic contains themes such as cutting and stuff… stuff being things I haven't decided on yet, im not sure what direction im going to take this Fic!   
  
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Avada Kedavra. Just a few years ago Hermione wouldn't have understood the meaning of those words, but now they echoed ominously in her brain. Most wizards, let alone students of her age couldn't perform the spell, but Hermione knew how. She was smart.   
  
Not that anyone cared.   
  
Reaching out she tentitavley traced her fingers across the length of her wand, pausing to feel over the small bite marks which had been gained when the neighbors dog had nabbed the seemingly innocent item from its resting place on the porch last summer. A smirk tugged at the corners of Hermione's mouth as she recalled her neighbor's confusion at her panicked reaction. 'It's just a stick Hermione, calm down sweetheart'   
  
"It's just a stick" Hermione murmured under her breath, echoing her thoughts. But it was more than a stick. It had power… even the power to kill. Avada Kedavra, the unforgivable curse. But could a wizard or witch use it upon themselves? Closing her hand around her wand she lifted it up, letting the tip rest gently on her temple, her fingers twitching slightly as if searching for an invisible trigger. Squeezing her eyes shut she opened her mouth, preparing to utter the words which screamed silently in her head, urging her to-  
  
"Hermione!"   
  
Dropping her wand quickly Hermione spun around to see Ron standing above her, his eyebrow raised slightly.   
  
"What are you doing, trying to hex yourself or something?" he joked, as he whipped out his own slightly battered wand, imitating what Hermione had been doing just moments before.   
  
"Yeah something like that" Hermione said, playing along as she offered the obnoxious red head a smile.   
  
"Why didn't you come to lunch?" Ron prodded as he flopped down on the sofa next to her, placing his feet up next to the stack of books piled haphazardly on the table in front of him.   
  
"Oh studying" Hermione mumbled as she gestured towards the pile of books.   
  
"So have you got your potions homework done?" Ron asked casually as he tapped a large black book lightly with his foot.   
  
Ah. An ulterior motive. There always was one these days, when it came to Harry and Ron. They only seemed to talk to her when they needed the answers to the homework or the research done for there latest adventure. "No I haven't" she answered truthfully  
  
"What!" Ron exclaimed, "We have potions in like, ten minutes! Do you have a death wish or something?"   
  
"Yes" Hermione said softly, her response unheard by Ron who had already jumped up, screaming something about finding Lavender Brown.   
  
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"Now that we're all here…" Snape drawled as he shot a meaningful glare in Ron's direction, the slightly flustered looking Gryffindor returning it venomously as he squirmed in his seat, still clutching what looked like hastily scrawled potions diagrams. "Lets go over last nights homework… can anyone tell me the five ingredients of a shrinking potion?..." he asked, pausing as he let his eyes drift lazily across the bored looking students in front of him, finally settling on Hermione, whose hand would normally be dancing excitedly in the air at this point. "Miss Granger… can you perhaps enlighten us?"   
  
Hermione felt her heart sink as she stared up at Snape. "I can't" she said in a falsely calm voice, ignoring the mock gasps and snickers which came from the Slytherins sitting behind her.   
  
"Why not Miss Granger?" Snape pressed, his cold eyes glinting with satisfaction at the opportunity to humiliate a Gryffindor.   
  
"I didn't do the homework" Hermione mumbled, now cringing under the startled stares of several class mates.   
  
"Fifteen points from Gryffindor" Snape said curtly, smirking at the soft chorus of groans which spread across the Gryffindor members of the class before starting to elaborate further on the applications and potential risks of shrinking potions.   
  
Pulling open her notebook Hermione quickly busied herself with note taking, slipping into a daze as the lesson rushed by.   
  
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"…and hopefully we will all remember to do the homework this time" Snape said silkily as he waved his hand, signaling that the students could leave.   
  
'thank god' Hermione thought to herself as she scooped up her books.   
  
"Miss Granger, could I have a word?"   
  
"Sure" Hermione managed to get out as she cast a lingering gaze at Harry and Ron, who had just disappeared from sight, along with the last few members of the class, the door slamming shut behind them.   
  
"Show me your arms" Snape said coolly as he rested back on his desk, eyeing the younger girl expectantly.   
  
"What?" Hermione choked out, a cold feeling beginning to engulf her as she drew her arms further into her robes. Her mind was racing. Had he seen what she had been trying to hide? He must have noticed during potion making, when she was reaching for things.   
  
"Miss Granger" he said softly, his tone warning.   
  
Biting her lip, Hermione slowly held up her arms, looking away as her robes slid back, revealing a mass of cuts, which cris-crossed over each other haphazardly. Glancing back at Snape, she let out an involuntary shudder as the greasy haired man gabbed one of her arms, tracing over the wounds whilst examining them thoughtfully.   
  
"You wouldn't be meddling in the dark arts would you?" He asked, as he glared at her challengingly  
  
"No" Hermione answered honestly  
  
"Well then perhaps this is one of those muggle problems?" Snape said as he glanced up at Hermione, his eyes flickering with what looked like momentary concern before returning to there usual coldness.   
  
"No!... Crookshanks… my cat he uh needed to be washed…" Hermione started, launching into nervous babble about how temperamental the little creature could be.   
  
"Just to be sure I am informing Madam Pince that your access to the restricted section is to be cut off"   
  
"What! You can't!" Hermione exploded, her eyes widening. She needed books from that section for her Defense against the Dark arts work. How could she continue her studies without the necessary reading material?   
  
"I can Miss Granger" Snape said calmly as he reached for his quill, hastily scribbling down a note at passing it to the shocked student in front of him. "You are excused from next lesson to go to Madam Pomfrey to get a full physical"   
  
Clenching the note in her hands Hermione hurried back to the table, grabbing her books and stalking out of the classroom, not wanting to Snape to see the tears burning in her eyes. Of all the people who could discover her secret, it had to be him. It wasn't a problem, the cuts we're nothing, they just made her feel better… they were her release. Making an abrupt turn she hurried up the staircase and towards Gryffindor common room. She had no intention of seeing Madam Pomfrey. Nobody else had to know.   
  
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tbc…?  
  
Thank you for reading! (comments, thoughts, and ideas appreciated *smiles*) 


	2. The Mirror

Thanks for the comments people, its really appreciated. Anyway heres the next installment I hope you like. I'll also try and have the next bit up as soon as possible as long as people are interested *looks hopeful*…   
  
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Hermione lay quietly on her bed, shielded from the world by the dark crimson curtains which surrounded her, giving precious privacy in the public conditions of boarding school life. She could still hear excited chatter, punctuated by the occasional yell or chorus of laughter floating up from the common room, but she new she wouldn't be disturbed.   
  
Glancing down at her arm again Hermione ran her hands across the skin, entranced by the texture of the skin, fascinated by the still damp blood which caught on her fingertips, spreading over the pale surface of her forearm. She felt surprisingly calm, like she always did after one of her little 'sessions'.   
  
"So I said, white robes are so last Yule ball" A familiar voice scoffed, followed by a chorus of giggles.   
  
Hermione tensed, suddenly aware of the presence in her room. It was Lavender of course, and some of her friends. Sitting up she peered through a crack between the curtains, watching as the three girls began to fuss over a robe lavender had whisked out of the trunk that sat at the bottom of her bed.   
  
"Oh Seamus will be drooling" one of the girls exclaimed excitedly as she stroked the soft fabric.   
  
Lavender was never that excited around Hermione. In fact, they barley even talked. Not that she really wanted to discuss such trivial things as the latest wizard fashion. Or did she? Frowning Hermione grappled briefly with that thought, only to be quickly interrupted.   
  
"Hermione?"   
  
"Hi Lavender" Hermione said in a falsely polite voice as she pulled the curtains around her bed open roughly as she stood up. "I was just taking a nap" she explained absently as she hurried out of the room, trying to ignore the poorly muffled giggles that floated mockingly after her.   
  
"Look at that hair …"   
  
"I don't care" Hermione muttered under her breath, as if saying the words would give them a semblance of truth. It shouldn't bother her should it? Shaking her head Hermione rushed through the common room, not even getting a second glance from the few students still lingering as she slipped through the portrait hole, and into the darkened corridor. Quickening her pace she rushed through the maze of hallways. She knew where she was going. It was a place she visited every night.   
  
Finally reaching her destination she stopped short, looking around warily before pushing the door slowly open, stepping into the nearly empty room. Peering around she felt a rush of excitement as her eyes rested upon the ornate mirror standing in the corner. Running over she felt a smile form on her face as she stared into the reflective glass watching as three familiar figures swam into focus behind her. Instinctively she turned around, her smile fading somewhat as she took in the cold empty room behind her. Shaking off her momentary disappointment she turned around again, grinning at the three people. "Did you miss me?" She asked as she slid down to the ground, reaching out and gently touching the cool reflection.   
  
Of course she knew it wasn't real. And never would be. This was the mirror Harry had found in his very first year attending Hogwarts. She'd heard stories about it from both Harry and Ron, but had never expected to find it herself. And of course, she never expected to be so bewitched by what it offered.   
  
The three figures, we're now crouched around her. Two we're older, and looked like a mother and a father. Not hers, although they seemed to accept her like one of there own. And the younger girl. She had long raven hair, with the most piercing eyes that seemed to stare right through her, prying into the depths of her mind. She did not know who they we're, she'd even looked them up, pouring over countless wizarding books, searching for a picture of this mysterious family.   
  
The girl, who she had nicknamed Dawn was now tugging back her sleeve, revealing her blood-stained arm. "Sorry" Hermione whispered, feeling a pang of guilt as she saw the upset and worried look in the girl's eyes. "It really helps you know" she tried to reassure, smiling again as the girl wrapped her arms around Hermione, pulling her into a hug. Biting her lip Hermione imitated the movements, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. But it wasn't the same. She wanted to be hugged, comforted. She wanted to spend time with this family. Become part of the family. To be loved.   
  
Reaching out again she pressed her hands hard against the mirror, pushing against the solid surface, trying to force her way through the barrier. But nothing happened. "Let me in" She whispered, her voice breaking as she pounded against the glass, only stopping when she noticed the thick smear of blood which shone on the mirrors surface.   
  
Glancing down at her arm Hermione felt her heart jump as she realized she was still bleeding. Heavily. "I should clean this up" she said sheepishly, as she reached into her robe pocket, her heard sinking as she realized it was empty. "Damn" she cursed under her breath as her eyes flicked down to her wrist, then back up to the family in front of her. "I have to go" she explained, tears of sadness stinging in her eyes as she stood up shakily, only to collapse to the ground again, the world in front of her blurring. "Stay with me" she whispered urgently to the figures in the mirror, before the world around her faded to black.   
  
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comments welcomed and loved :) 


	3. The hospital wing

I hope this part is decent. :)   
  
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Opening her eyes slowly Herminie looked around, her heart sinking as she realized where she was. The hospital wing. How had she got here? There's no way anyone knew where she had gone. Maybe Filch or Mrs. Norris had found her. And how long had she been here? The soft light that filtered through the high windows told her that it was at least past midday, but what day exactly was it. Hermione frowned, pursing her lips in concentration as she tried to remember what day it had been on her last visit to the mirror. Was it a Monday… no she had potions it couldn't be a Monday. Or wait Maybe it was Defense against the Dark Arts that wasn't on Monday?  
  
Dismissing these thoughts Hermione let out a sigh of frustration, the soft whooshing sound unnaturally loud punctuating the eerie silence of the room. It was so quiet in here. All she could hear was the sound of her own breathing. Breathing. A frown crinkled Hermione's brow as she shifted uncomfortably in the bed, taking a few deep measured breaths. She can't stop thinking about it now. The whole activity is becoming tiresome.   
  
Inhale.   
  
Exhale.   
  
Inhale.   
  
Exhale.   
  
Inhale.  
  
Now stop…. Can't she just stop for a while? No. That just makes her more uncomfortable, a rising feeling in the back of her throat as the air in her lungs clamors to escape. Shaking her head Hermione let out the gust of air with a loud sigh, her eyes now frantically searching the room for a distraction. A lamp. The lamps at Hogwarts are lit by fire, creating a soft glow. A barn down the road burnt down during the summer holidays. Hermione could remember waking up to the sight of flames and smoke billowing from a location far away. It must have been hard to breathe with all that smoke… breathing… Damn! Back to the beginning.   
  
"Miss Granger you're awake"   
  
Ah, another distraction. Good.   
  
Instinctively Hermione cleared her throat, only just realizing how try and parched it felt. "Yes" she said hoarsely, as she stared up at Madame Pomfrey, her eyes watching the older woman's movements. Wasn't that nursing outfit uncomfortable? She could just see it through the billows of the woman's robes. Wait wasn't she hot? She should be. Hermione knew what it was like to be hot. This winter had been unnaturally warm, and every day had been like torture for Hermione, who was condemned to hide her arms and legs under thick layers of clothing, which we're further constricted by the suffocating weight of her robes. Not even cooling charms had seemed to work. She felt cool now though.   
  
Looking down again Hermione realized she was just wearing a light nightgown, its short sleeves revealing the mass of cuts and scars on her arms, that we're covered in some kind of light blue dust. A wizard healing potion she guessed.   
  
"Hermione?"   
  
Hermione automatically recoiled as she felt a hand smooth over her hair, drawing her back to reality. How long had she been daydreaming?   
  
"How are you feeling Miss Granger?" Madam Pomfrey repeated patiently, her words deliberately drawn out.   
  
"I'm thirsty" Hermione said, imitating Madam Pomfrey's slow speech. She did not want to be patronized.   
  
"Alright I'll go get you something to drink" Madam Pomfrey said as she straightened up slowly before bustling away.   
  
Closing her eyes again Hermione let out a worried sigh. What was going to happen next? Did the school have a procedure for this type of thing? Hermione didn't think so. She had never heard of a case like this, not even in 'Hogwarts, a history.' Maybe she would be accused of practicing the dark arts? Would they really throw a girl her age into Azkaban? They probably would. An accidental death would go unnoticed in there. Hopefully.   
  
"Miss Granger"   
  
Opening her eyes again Hermione looked up to see Professor McGonagall. What was she doing here? Glancing over to the small table beside her she noticed a glass of pumpkin juice. It had been sitting there for a while. The pulp had drifted to the bottom, creating an unpleasant looking thick layer, covered by the remaining murky thin liquid. Glancing back up at Professor McGonagall Hermione bit her lip, fighting back tears as she saw the look of caring concern on her teachers face.   
  
"Miss Granger we have informed your parents about… what happened and I will be escorting you home tomorrow"   
  
"What?" Hermione exclaimed, her eyes widening. She didn't want to be at home. "No I can't I have assignments to do" Hermione began to babble as she sat up, moving to climb out of bed. "I'm fine I just had an accident"   
  
"Miss Granger!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed as she placed her hand against Hermione's shoulder, trying to push her back down, her other hand whisking out her wand.   
  
"I'm fine let go!" Hermione growled as she began to wrestle with the teacher, seemingly oblivious to the fresh lines of blood beginning to well up along her arms, soft droplets splaying out across her pale flesh.   
  
"Immobulous!" Professor McGonagall cried suddenly, a thin ray of light shooting out of her wand and hitting Hermione full on.   
  
"Wha…?" Hermione managed to get out before she suddenly went limp, her body slumping down onto the bed. "Nnn" she whimpered, a feeling of panic sweeping over her as she struggled against what felt like an invisible weight that pressed against her body, making any movement impossible.   
  
"I'm sorry Hermione" Professor McGonagall whispered before raising her wand again, whispering a spell before standing up, hesitating for a moment before walking away.   
  
What was that? Hermione managed to think before she was engulfed in what felt like a thick fog, which plunged her world into darkness. 


End file.
